<

On september 4th ‘06, I received a message from a friend. He introduced himself a bit.. i was curious because he knows a lot about me. I replied. asked a few questions. Got so even more curious about the guy.

Curiosity turned out to friendship.

days passed by. I received a text message. It was him!

Asked questions a bit, exchange the words "i miss you" until I MISS YOU Turned out to be "I MISS YOU MORE"

He was in a vacation. Laugh more through his stories, and even started to love each other, though I have not seen him, not just yet. He saw me laugh, he saw me danced.. he was my schoolmate back in HS.. it’s just that we were not this close.. I can barely remember his face. I don’t care, I don’t care if the pictures wasn’t him. I care about what we feel about each other. He was sorry for not telling me, he just wanted to be sure about what he feels… and he wasn’t wrong about what he feels… he started to love me more each day.

He is almost returning from vacation.

We found out he was sick.

The feelings are still there. He was asking if he would continue the courtship. I told him, Don’t think about us… All i want is him to get well, and that we could see each other.

All along i was hoping, that we could continue the story as soon as he gets here in manila. We said that we would dream together. Live in one heart. He thanked me for evertyhing. He loved me more.

All along I was hoping that we could exchange the sweet messages right in front of each other, that i could touch his face, that i could hold his hands. that we could walk together under the bright stars..

All along i thought I was the one giving him hope. It turned out, that it’s the other way around. He gave me more hope than I could ask for. His faith had make me believe more in God’s unending love. I feel God’s presence in him. Christ passed by.

He said he’s ready.

All along I thought, we would continue the same faith as soon as he gets here in manila. He said, i am the best thing that ever happened in his life. I smiled because I told him that too..

All along I thought on November night he would be home.

I was waiting..

24 hours. had passed … .. no one called..

24 hours turned into 48 hours….

and 48 hours turned  into 72 hours…

until such time, i heard about his untimely death.

I pulled the keys out of my pocket…. drive faster .. even more fast… i did not even know where to go… I talked to him, prayed for him. Did not ask God.

I told my friends about what happened. Friends cried.. friends comforted.

I am still in limbo.

All along I thought I was waiting for someone.. I thought Someone’s going home for me… But no one did…

NO messages anymore.. no sms… no "hello jen", no "miss you" no "LOVE U" no "kis ko?" no "muning jen"

—————

Day after his death

———-

I was on my way to the office, reminded by the moment he was there.. I was thinking that somehow he had touched anything on his way to the office. I held tight to the escalator.. It was funny. But deep inside it wasn’t.. I touched it because, He might have touched it the way I did.. hoping that somehow i was able to touch him.

Everything was like a fantasy.. I thought everything would just happen on a movie.. but it happened to me.

We believed that someday, his sickness would bring him to the grave but we were not aware that it would be this soon… not even close.

All I want to believe now is that he might have been with me all the time.. watching over me..

——-

sabi ko siguro mas maganda na di ko nalang talga sia nakita baka kasi mas masakit pero a part of me says sana nakita ko sia, nahawakan, at nayakap.

sabi ko siguro mas maganda kung nagpakita sia skin dati nung pinuntahan nia ko, nahihiya daw sia eh, baka wala siang masabi. Pero isang bagay ang maganda doon, nang makita nia ako, tawa lang ng tawa.. and im glad he would be reminded by "me" being always happy and bubly.

Pero siguro sabi ni Lord, wagna mas mahihirapan ka.. sabi ko, sige po.

—–

Sabi nating dalwa, pagdating mo, ipagluluto mo ko. Sakin naman kahit hindi na, basta makita lang kita. Sabi mo tatawag ka pagdating mo, e kaya pla, you’re home na.

Jez, habambuhay kang mananatili sa puso ko. Kahit wala ka na, ung promise ko sa iyo tutuparin ko pa rin. Salamat sa lahat din. Sa maikling panahon na binigay sa atin ng panginoon, nalaman kong ang halaga ko bilang isang tao at bilang isang babae ay isang bagay na dapat ko ring bigyan ng halaga. Di ka man nakapag paalam ulit, nauunawaan ko iyon.

Sana nalang sa oras na uuwi na din ako, salubungin mo ako para naman makita na kita. mahal kita at salamat sa maikling panahon na nilagyan mo ng kulay ang buhay ko.

paalam, hanggang sa muling pagkikita…. hintayin mo ako ah?!